Sunday, August 26, 2007

Cat diary... Dog diary...

Cat Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Jerks!

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Dog diary...

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Morgan said...


More! More!!!

They are both hilarious!

Jaime said...

LOL! Seriously funny. Love it!

marissa | Rae Gun Ramblings said...

Oh i've seen this one with a witty title like why dogs are happier than cats or the difference between cats and dogs something like that. It's even funny the second time.

Mrs.Kwitty said...

I love that--what fun!
Smiles, Karen

Krazy Kate Designs said...

to funny! enjoyed it.

~Stella said...

So funny and so true!

And I've never been on the front page, either.


Michele said...

Too cute!!!!

erin said...

Thanks for the morning chuckle, that is too funny and oh-so-true!!! lol

Erika Cass Designs said...

ROFL! :o)