Monday, April 06, 2009

Let's Talk.

I've been thinking a lot today, thanks to Oprah and Laura.

None of us is perfect.
And if it seems that we are, there are hidden issues.
The kids aren't taken care of, miserable marriage, something.

None of us is perfect.

Mom bloggers might be among the worst at portraying the perfect image.
That's only because we can edit and crop!

So a few very real confessions from me:

The reason I take most of my photos outside?
Because there's usually clutter in every room of the house and that would drive me batty if I saw it in my pictures.

I almost never read to my kids.

We struggle with money and making ends meet. We're far from wealthy.

I put on makeup before church on Sunday and am usually still wearing it on Wednesday.

My kids watch too much tv, and I'm on the computer too much. (Which is why I started the Unplug it Challenge last summer! You need to join this.)

Everyone has to find things to sacrifice and for me that's generally housework and fitness. I'm not proud of it, but it's fact.

I yelled at my kids more than once just during the hour I watched Oprah.

This list could go on for days, but I won't.

The point is, motherhood is hard. I realize I'm preaching to the choir here but it's true.

So when you see pretty photos, just understand that the blogger probably pushed everything junky to the side before she took the picture.

If there's a delicious looking recipe being shown, there was probably 2 days worth of dishes in the sink off to the side that you didn't see.

And I'm quite certain that I'm not the only mom who has a child dressed like this, with a green runny nose.


You are not alone!

Motherhood is a beautiful and amazing experience.
But it can be surprisingly hard!
I know none of us would go back on the decision to have kids.
That's not the point.

The point is that we are too hard on ourselves.
We expect too much of ourselves.
And we compare ourselves to others.

None of us does it all or has it all.
Not one.

69 comments:

kristi said...

Your photos are lovely - and it's not because you pushed everything junkie to the side. I won't be watching Oprah today...but that's probably only because my kids will be watching one of their awful movies instead. You are not alone...

C. Beth said...

Great post, Beki!! I have plenty of confessions I could make too--many of them the same as yours.

englishmeadows said...

Amen, sister! YOU are not alone... so, should I be watching Oprah tonight?

Kate Wilber said...

Amen sister! Motherhood is the hardest job there is--I don't care what anyone says---but as I'm sure you will agree it is also the most wonderful-even on the hard days! I love this picture--it is exactly how my kids look 90% of the time--but that just means they are being allowed to be kids.
Thanks for sharing

Kimba said...

I adore you, girl! What a wonderful post.

Kimba

MariaSoleil said...

So true, so true! Wonderful post!

Hana said...

This seemed like my own personal check list....no joke. I just broke down talking w/ my mom 2 days ago wishing I was a better mom, a better wife, wishing I had my home in order and that we didn't have to pinch our pennies. Sometimes I feel as though I'm the only one struggling with my life and the demands of my kids. I'm usually overwhelmed and on the verge of tears. Thanks for opening up and sharing your trials too. It's nice to know we are all in the same boat! No One is perfect...except for Jesus!

Musings of a Housewife said...

Amen. And I SO needed to hear that today. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I have been thinking about starting a blog but i felt i didn't have a "perfect" life or have anything in my life together to start one.
So thank you for being honest and showing me no one is perfect. and anyone can start a blog.

Rebecca said...

Thank you for this!!

Casey said...

Oh Beki what a GREAT post. I sooooo needed to hear that today.

Thank you for posting. You are NOT alone.

kath001 said...

Absolutely LOVE this post. My kids are grown now, so most days are less eventful than when they were small. But I still have layers of dust and piles of books and mounds of projects that have to be shuttled for pictures. My son once saw pictures on my blog and said the furniture looked better in the pictures than in person...I had to laugh and tell him it was maybe because I dusted it before taking the pics. :)

Colleen said...

So true! I have been beating myself up lately because the house is just so far gone, the kids zone out in front of tv too much, and everything else you listed too. But if my kids know they are loved, then that is most important. Maybe I should go turn the tv off and tell them...:)
Thanks for a dose of reality and encouragement!

Kim @ Forever Wherever said...

You wrote a wonderful post! I love your outside photos! They don't make me feel like I need something new in my house! :-)

~Kim

Pam said...

You are so right... I can't even begin my list of confession. But it's safe to say that all of yours are on it + a few more.

Michelle Johnson said...

What a wonderful post! I can relate to pretty much everything you said! It's nice to know I'm not alone! Thank you!

Jenny said...

I had to laugh at the mention of shoving things aside when taking a picture, since this is what I do in almost all of the pictures I take. =) This post is so true!! Thanks for reminding us we are not alone in our imperfections.

Lula Bee Boutique said...

Yep! Wow! I didn't see oprah, but you pretty much wrote my list for me, thanks for the dose of reality. Most days I feel like I must be the only one who can't find time to do it all.

The Carroll's said...

AMEN! I'm playing on the computer, dishes are piled high in the sink and someone needs to condemn my bathroom... Thanks for reminding me that nobody really has it all together!

Amelia said...

and I STILL love you!!!!!!!

Amen lady, motherhood is tough stuff, but it's worth it... worth all the struggle.

alyssa said...

i LOVED this!!! my posts are of the ONE thing EACH week that happened!!! thank you for sharing this!!

oh, & i usually zoom in on their face so i don't even have to bother moving the junk out of the way :)

Robynn's Ravings said...

SUCH a truthful post!!! And the other thing is, lots of those folks who seem to have it all have what many of us lack: support.

I have many friends who have grand parental support, or aunts and uncles, etc. who are involved in their kids' lives. I don't. Many don't. We struggle on and, by God's grace, forge ahead. The days you describe are many of mine. Love it. And LOVE your little boy and his snotty nose and outfit. Now THAT's reality my friend! :) (((hugs to you)))

Amy said...

Thank you Beki... I needed this today.

Beadin By The Sea said...

Oh, so very true... I feel better now!

Femin Susan said...

What a wonderful post

Cheers!

Sweet Nothings said...

Thanks for being so real and honest Beki. You really do lead a great example for mothers and future mothers out there. You do a great job and I'm sure motherhood is harder than I can imagine. I'm excited for the day when it comes though!

Sweet Nothings said...

Thanks for being so real and honest Beki. You really do lead a great example for mothers and future mothers out there. You do a great job and I'm sure motherhood is harder than I can imagine. I'm excited for the day when it comes though!

sarahross said...

I laughed. I am still laughing...

rhembein said...

Good for you for the honest, funny post!!!

~gyl

number17cherrytreelane said...

GREAT post. One of my favorites.

Heather Rodriguez said...

Amen sister!!

Erica said...

thank you for that. it was very encouraging. sometimes as a mom it is so easy to feel as if you don't measure up (especially when it seems as if everyone else has it all together). it's good to know we're not alone. we've got to band together ;) your honesty and writing is wonderful, thank you for sharing your life with all of us :)

YaYa's Funhouse said...

could not have said it any better. There will come a day when they are grown and you WILL miss all the who-ha craziness. I'm still lovin the boy!! When you get ready to ship him off, call me!!!!

Laura said...

wow..had no idea my post made such an impact. glad to hear it.
and yes...a cupcake for you is the least I can do. come on over. And beware...the place is a mess.

Ruth said...

I laughed about the make up... I just had to wash my panda eyes off. Unfortunately I have no excuse as I don't have kids (yet...?!) but loved the post anyway, there is too much competition amongst women in the world. All the front pages over here have been more concerned with Michelle Obama vs Carla Bruni, their dresses, whether Gordon Brown's wife looks a frump next to them, whether they fight over the limelight etc - not giving nearly so many column inches to their partners who are attempting to sort out... well, the world. Crazy place!

blessedmomto7 said...

LOVE IT! KEepin' it real! Same with me for the Sunday makeup LOL!

jacjewelry said...

It's great that you take your photos outside - indoors doesn't give you sufficient light to get clear and crisp photos, so look at it as a positive. :) LOL about the makeup!

Alicia said...

Oh, how true!

I didn't watch Oprah, I was busy trying to make candy and keep Baby Girl out of things she wasn't supposed to be in. And when it came back on last night, I was asleep.

I lose count of how many times I have to holler at the kids.

You are definitely NOT alone!

mandi said...

Great posts - cute & true! I watched the Oprah show that day too & what hit me was "I love being a mother, but it's motherhood I'm still learning to love"!! Of course I love my children without doubt, but it's everything that goes along with it that makes it hard!! That's why grandparents love being grandparents!

Joan said...

What a fantastic post--Thank you, thank you, thank you! I've felt this way for quite some time, but you always manage to make your points to eloquently. ;)

Amy in Ohio said...

Great post. I happened upon you because of the Oprah episode talk on Twitter.

I laughed at your remark about Sunday make-up lasting til Wednesday. All I could think was 'Man I gotta get some of that makeup!'

I did a post on the show too, stop by if you have a minute - it was great to "meet" you!

Spadazzle said...

Thanks! That makes me feel better! We love to look at the pictures of the baby :)

jellybelly*jellybrain said...

hallellujah for normal mums I say!!
Your picture of your little man made me laugh ... at least yours is wearing trousers! If boy*jelly hasn't got his school uniform on, he's usually without trousers!
Once again, I point you to two of my archive posts :

http://wwwjellybelly-jellybrain.blogspot.com/2008/11/six-of-best.html

and

http://wwwjellybelly-jellybrain.blogspot.com/2008/12/dont-call-nspcc-but.html

But if you want to know a good way to discipline your kids :

http://wwwjellybelly-jellybrain.blogspot.com/2008/10/controversial-childcare.html

ryanne said...

AMEN! Thank you for keeping it real. Because the whole two days worth of dishes piled is so an understatement for me.

Tonya said...

I am just thankful that everyday is a new chance to try harder :) I am thankful for the hard mommy days that motivate me to be kinder...more patient...giving..etc...

And I am thankful that the majority of us put the good, happy, pretty things here...so that we all look for those things in our lives...and strive to create more of them each day in our own homes...

hope you are well..

xoxo

Tonya

Katie said...

I am so on the same page as you!! I am so glad that I am not the only that stuggles with money, does'nt read to the kiddos, too much computer time & it seems like I am always yelling!! Thanks for making me feel better!!

Southern Traditions Boutique said...

Put beautifully! Thanks for making me think today :)
Torri

Vanessa and Company said...

You're right Beki. Motherhood is tough, and we are too hard on ourselves. It's always wise to step back, and look at things with a fresh and honest perspective, like you. Lovely post :)
XOXO

rebel said...

Motherhood is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. Yikes, I cringe just thinkin' about it.

Ethansmom08 said...

I LOVED your post...it is one of my favorites, so honest and real! As a mom to a 1 year old son, I am constantly worrying about getting this and that done and making everything look nice around the house - as well as dressing Ethan in a nice outfit...and so on. The reality is, it is hard...harder than I expected it to be. And you have 3! But, I know you are doing a great job and I love your honesty.

Sara

PS) Housework and fitness are the two things I neglect the most also.

Vanessa {Bloom Right Here!} said...

One word. Amen!

Michelle said...

I agree entirely that people only show the best and that is hard to live up to. I believe in honesty. I post the pictures of my messy house so that people know they can be real and comfortable with me.

You can see my messy entry way here: http://isteppedout.blogspot.com/2009/02/does-your-entry-way-look-like-this.html

My mom has cancer and we almost lost her this last year. My friends know that it is better to spend time with your loved ones no matter what the house looks like. Really if this was your last day together would you want to enjoy their company or clean?

Sylvia C. said...

Beki,
I haven't watched Oprah in years, and yet I watched THAT episode last night.

I really enjoyed myself, and I laughed right along with the women...now that I have been initiated. :)

Look at how many women can relate to you! You are doing such a wonderful thing here on your blog. Don't forget that!

love,
Sylvia C.

Janelle said...

Thanks for your honesty I can so relate! (:

LZ Blogger said...

Interesting comments... but I don't think they are JUST specific to mom's. Great pictures here of lots of family fun! THX! ~ jb///

Whimsical Creations said...

I can totally relate!! While I sit here on my computer and my daughter is sitting next to me watching diego.....and I look at my piles of junk I need to put away and the toys all over the floor. I did put away the dishes this am though....

jennifer said...

Wearing last nights makeup as I type this in PJs at 1:10 in the afternoon in a messy house with the vacuum cleaner sitting beside me and knowing that my son has not studied his spelling words all week for the test tomorrow and I skipped my walk and I'm thinking about going a getting a cheeseburger before they get home from school....

Yeah, I'm not perfect and it IS hard. I am pretty honest about my lack of perfection but what I am NOT so honest about is the guilt that I carry.

Great post.

Beth said...

So, so true. I need to mop the floors right now and have laundry piling up. I'm not making dinner tonight, we are having unhealty left overs--after McDonald's for lunch.

I wish I could do more but I just can't. I know moms who seem to have all the energy to do all those amazing things with their kids and I'm not one of them. It's funny though, the one I know who is like that with her kids has a crappy marriage.

But, my kids are happy, my marriage is great and I am lucky enough to have a wonderful life-even with all the chaos and mommy hollering (a lot) some days.

traci said...

that is a great post beki. very, very true. like you, i sacrifice cleaning and fitness too - and you know what, i am fine with that. love the photo - so cute and real!!!

Karina said...

This post made me cry...with relief! I have 3 kids under the age of 4 and feel like I'm always behind cleaning the house...guilt, guilt, guilt! And for what? I should be enjoying the kids while I have them. Thank you!!

Mrs. B. said...

Maybe this post made your blog #1 on my list. :) Just maybe.
Thanks for being so real.

Double Dipped Sweets said...

Amen. Thank you.

Christina said...

You have struck a chord with millions, no doubt...I have tears in my eyes. The last couple of years have been so (increasingly) hard. My husband got a blog going for me last year, and I LOVE to write on it-keep family up-to-date because they are far away; I also would love to be a writer, and this way I can pretend I have an audience. :) I, too, hate all the background clutter, there is never a picture without some random toys, dirty clothes, ironing board full of clean clothes, papers, dishes from the previous meal. I just have to get over it, or like you said, push it to the side or change my angle! I struggle with the partiality of blogging-I don't share all the bad and the ugly. I don't want to appear to be something I'm not (or "we" as a family). Thanks for your words, though. Real is my number one game. What you see is what you get and if you think it's too messy...then you clean it up! :) Just kidding. I have had to apologize to many people who showed up unannounced (which I don't mind at all) but I just have to say,"Excuse our disaster...it's the way it is." We just moved and I'm hoping that the bigger space we have-extra closet space and stuff-will help a little. But really we need to take more time to teach our kids to clean up so that it's not all up to me or my hub. Anyway, rambling on...I'll go now. Thank you again for hitting the nail on the head. And thank the Lord for his grace and his mercy. Who could make it without?

dawn said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you -- I needed to read this. I have no idea where my dining room table is (somewhere under all the STUFF I'm sure) -- and will I ever put that random vacuum cleaner hose back on the vacuum -- or will I just let it lie in the hallway for another 2 weeks?! Your baby made me laugh out loud though -- we have boogie shots in crazy clothes too! Bless their sweet hearts -- they don't care one bit!!!

seabafive said...

LOVED this post!!

karla said...

Hey Beki~ me too! and actually Tyler has the same shirt and same slippers as the baby and looks pretty much the same most days.

PamperingBeki said...

Thank you guys for all the great comments!

I can't reply to every one of them at the moment, but when my main computer is fixed, I'll try to visit all the blogs.

Tonya, you're right that all the lovely images give us something to aspire to. We just have to have realistic expectations.

Amy in OH, my make up is Bare Minerals. It really is awesome. :) But by Wed. it's looking pretty rough.

Robynn, I completely agree with you about the support system. Some of us just don't have one, unforutnately and that makes things extremely difficult. I would LOVE to have one, but just don't.

And Jennifer, I love what you said about the guilt. I am fairly honest on my blog with frustrations and things, but what I don't talk about is the guilt. And it's definitely there.

Eileen said...

I LOVE this entry, so many blogs bleed of perfection. I am adding this blog to my fav list! it is so easy to feel not up to par and it can be lonely feeling that way.

Heather said...

Thanks for referencing this post for me- it was great to read. Good to know that I am not alone! :)