Saturday, July 24, 2010

I matter.

I'm not sure when it happened but sometime in the last 10 years or so I became very self conscious.

I've never been 100% confident (who is?) but it's gotten much worse lately.
I critique every photo of myself. I can't stand the way I look in pictures.
And I know it's wrong.
I am not entirely defined by the way I look.
I remember Miz Booshay talking about this a long time ago and I nodded my head and said, "Mmmhmm. She's so right."
But I still sat back and avoided the camera.

As a mom, wife, friend, and lady, it's important that I be in photos once in a while. I matter.
In this world, in this life, I matter.
To someone somewhere, I matter.

If I were gone, my kids would have very few photos of me because I've avoided them at all costs. And that's a terribly selfish thing to do!
Because I matter.

Kristi posted the other day and it stirred up these bothersome feelings again in me.

But I matter.
I'm choosing to ignore the double chin, long stringy hair, forehead wrinkles, splotchy skin and everything else I let my eyes focus on.
None of that really matters.
But I do.





It's a tough pill to swallow. But I need to do it.
What about you? You matter too.

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35 comments:

Jenni said...

YOU DO MATTER and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

Chad and Jody said...

Seriously having issues myself. I've posted about it. I'm working on it. But, like you, I struggle.

YOU on the other hand, ARE beautiful. And fun, and funny, and awesome possum, and rad.

Glad yo see a few pics of you on here. :)

Kristi said...

Yes you DO. You ARE beautiful. Beautiful in heart and beautiful in face.

Even though my initial reaction was {omgosh all her readers are gonna see my un-made up face!} Eeek! ::laughs::...

My heart is SO happy for you! <3 This made my day Beki. : )

Beki - TheRustedChain said...

I always wanted to be an awesome possum. :)

Thanks ladies!

Hannah said...

Beautiful. You DO matter and you are beautiful. What wrinkles? All I can see is a gorgeous lady who's completely in love with life. Thanks for being inspiring and real. Beautiful.

Amy said...

Struggling here, too. Just got back from a little trip and I did make it into several pictures. Unfortunately, I hate almost all of them. Especially ones where you can see below my shoulders. But you're right. If I were to die tomorrow, I want there to be pictures of me for a slideshow. Picture for my kids to remember me by. Good for you. I think you're an awesome possum, too. :)

Tanyia said...

Great post ... so true. I feel the same way and I have to also make a point of being IN the pics more. As a scrapbooker I try to preserve memories for my kids and their future kids... but noone will remember me. They will start to forget what I looked like. So sad. You are right, WE matter. (((hugs))) ty!

Gail said...

Great post Beki, there seems to be a lot of this theme swirling around blog-world.

I think your portraits here are gorgeous. You look beautiful and happy. And it's summer, which I'm envy of!

I find myself often taken portraits of myself now.... am getting used to it - thanks to the blog!!

flower power momma said...

Good job. I made myself get in the vacation photos too, and we're down to just hubby and I.

Your kids, hubby, family and friends love who you are, just as you are. It's the inside-you that makes the outside-you glow.

Now take pics of you and the kids. Let one of them run the camera even.

Lynns Lovelies said...

Great post Beki and I love "awesome possum!" I love your photos and agree you are beautiful in heart and face:)
Such a great reminder for us to have photos of us and all of our families...be we ALL matter.

Blessings,
Lynn♥

Wendy said...

I always knew you mattered... And by the way, you're babe-a-licious. ;o)

walkingwithangels said...

You are beautiful, but your words are so very true. I avoided having my picture taken as i really hated seeing myself, then when we lost Livvy I was devestated that I didnt have many pictures of us together. Learned my lesson the hard way you could say. I know am being braver at getting those pictures took with my girls.

Jennie Moran said...

Hey Beki,
Just wanted to tell you that I think you are gorgeous, I am serious you are one of the few people I know that are as pretty with out make, as on. Love ya and miss ya :)

Jennie Moran

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Dear Beki:
As I...ahem...age, I become more critical of my own looks. I used to model when I was in my 20s and 30s. I was careful about my figure, and that sort of thing. So, I'm disappointed in my appearance/weight now that I'm in menopause, and all the things related to aging...wrinkles (even tho' I still get zits!), sagging parts, and aching bones. But, like you said, we matter. To those who love us, we are important. It's not like we JUMP into photos, but to appear in all our grace as God has made us...yeah! You are one beautiful woman, Beki. Let your light shine! I especially love your face when you smile! Thanks for sharing.
xoxo
Donna

Marcy said...

Beki you are so CUTE!!!! Great pics! Don't be so hard on yourself!!

emtdlb said...

I don't know where you see a double chin or forehead wrinkles-I see a beautiful person who is having fun with friends and enjoying life. You are blessing to so many people and your family-focus on them and their love. It will overcome so much. Blessings!!

Heather said...

I read an article once, stating that you should have your photo taken, so your kids remember you. That they see you like THAT every day, to them the photo looks like YOU..

I try, try to be nice and let Jared take my photo, even though it's not flattering. Because, I guess that is what I truly look like.

Whimsical Creations said...

You are beautiful!!

(I have been the same way over the past few years...)

Esther Littlefield said...

I try to instill in the teens that I work with this concept: God made you beautiful JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! I am always saying "be yourself"! Yet, if I am not fixed up with my makeup, etc, I freak out. Yeah, so I think we all struggle with this at times. But you are right, you do matter, and it DOESN'T matter what someone else thinks.

Country Dreaming said...

Welcome to adulthood and the aging process. I'm not overly impressed with myself either and I am the one to take pictures. When I am in the pic--not impressed. But we go on and manage the situation the best we can.
My Dear--you look Fab by the way!

Melinda

Heather at Blessed Little Nest said...

such a great post and one we can all relate to. i try to not hide from the camera, but i think i still am. i don't want to though because i know my kids love me and my giant pores both the same so i'm going to try really hard to let go of it and be in a more photos!

have a happy weekend friend.

Cathy said...

oh gosh Beki you are absolutely beautiful! So glad you took some awesome pics and you are VERY important and, yes, you DO matter a great deal!!!
Have a great weekend!!!

S Club Mama said...

Double chin? Stringy hair? Wrinkles? We must not be looking at the same pictures.
You do NOT have any of that. You are so beautiful. I was looking and especially thinking of how much I love your hair. So straight. I miss straight hair. :)

Erica said...

love this! you are always such an encourager! thanks for being so honest... you really do matter :)

Susan said...

AMEN!!!!!!
There's a song that I happen to love by a group called Sanctus Real that says:
"I may not measure up to much in this life, but I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ". I tell myself this a lot, especially when I feel like I don't matter.
I love your photos....you are awesome!

Lisa said...

You are adorable and look great in your pics! I do so think it is what is inside and your sweet insides shine!! Smile you are beautiful!
Hugs, Lisa

Martha said...

Yes you absolutely do matter to more than one I am surely positive of that....your pictures are beautiful too!!

And you are absolutely right. I have never taken so many photos with me in them than this year with family, kiddos, and just plain myself...it was a hard thing for me to get over too because I was so awful about it then realized the same...
xo

Heather said...

uh beki...I think you are beautiful. trust me, i've seen you before you shower. besides your family i think i see you the most. I love your hair and i'm jealous of it, and your skin. And if anyone calls your fat (even you) I will kick their a$$ because you are not. I was hoping to put something more meaningful here, but i just want you to know that you are a very beautiful person and you should be in more pictures with your family.

Heather said...

love the earing btw...

Sun Glass said...

Her Glass Looks So Perfect On her ....
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Viva-Magazine-Your-Premium-Womens-Natural-Health-Magazine/262734921452?ref=ts

Ruth said...

you are ravishing and your sunglasses are so cute! LOVE this post beki, you are always there with the encouragement for others... soak up all these comments and feel encouraged yourself!

you know, if i get that camera i would need some lessons in getting the best out of it. wanna be my practice subject?! ;)

koralee said...

Love this post...love it...you are amazingly beautiful my friend...xoxoxo Thank you for this.

Southern Traditions Boutique said...

Thanks so much for reminding us of that Beki! :) When I was reading your post, it was like you were taking the words out of my mouth! Thank you thank you thank you for reminding me that my husband and kids , and GOD, love me for who I am, even though I don't LOVE myself a lot of the time!

You look awesome! I LOVE the photo collage!
Blessings, Torri

Mindy M. Harris said...

you are so precious for posting this. body image is something all women struggle with. when the victorias secret catalog or brochure comes in the mail, i sit agape at the images. i usually don't make it past the cover because i am appalled at the skeletal-like images i see...i throw the catalog away. the "i matter" thing took 25 years for me to believe. for the past 4 years i have been believing it about myself..have had to train my brain to do so, though.
you are a pretty lady, fearfully and wonderfully made.
love to you. i can't wait to see my necklaces. i will link to you with pictures of them, if it's ok. how oft do you do giveaways?
~m

Princess Caitlin said...

Dear Beki,
You do not have a double chin.
Top right pic in the bottom collage is my FAAAVE.
Bottom left of the top collage : YOU, my friend, are pulling off the "biting-your-lip-cutely" thing!! I can't believe it!

This is so stupid, but I was talking to a girlfriend last night about how I always wished I could bite my bottom lip "cutely" like girls in movies. (you know, like this kind of thing: http://cache4.asset-cache.net/xc/57118554.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=51100C4ED77196F3B9DA47FA7746FD2DA38063F2F92D2DC7A5DE1B1F05CAF228)I confessed how silly it was, and we both laughed at me, but still... lol and there you go, pulling it off!