Friday, August 22, 2014

I haven't been completely honest with you...

I've been home from Nicaragua for what... 5? 6? 7? weeks now? I'm afraid to even look.
I should be over it, right? I should be recovered. I should be back into the groove of real life.
I'm not.
I secretly look through hundreds of Nicaragua photos on my computer.

We've taken 2 family vacations. We've had a wedding. The kids are back in school.
And still all I can think of approximately 5,672 times a day is Nicaragua.
I think of bumpy cobblestone streets.
I think of thick humidity.

I think of language barriers and I laugh.
I think of Angel, a big tough Army guy, joking with Ruth about her son. Saying her son hadn't behaved and so Angel tasted him.
Ruth said, "TASTED him?" ... "yes, I tasted him."
"You tasted him?" ... "si."
Ruth: "TASTED HIM? Like, you were licking my son?! Why were you licking my kid?" ... "No, I tazded him. Like bzzzz, bzzzz, with a taser."

I think of Carlos telling me the men on our team had eaten sneakers for lunch.
"Sneakers?" .... "yes, sneakers."
Me: "SNEAKERS?" ... "yes, sneakers."
Me: "SNEAKERS?! Like shoes?? Zapatos?!" ... "No, sneakers! Like chocolate, caramel..."

I think of dirty feet.
I think of big brown eyes.
I think of hope and happiness.
I think of going into a bat cave at the bottom of a volcano, even though caves are terrifying to me. I think of the panic attack I had and yet, I'd do it all again right now if I could.

The truth is, it all makes my heart hurt.
I miss it terribly. I'm trying desperately to merge 2 distinct parts of myself that are competing.


Koren dechant said...

You need to read rhinestone Jesus!!!

millerb said...

My brother went to Honduras on a six-month college project in the early 1990s and felt the same tug on his heart. He's been a missionary there since 1995. Here's his project:

You can still be involved with Nicaragua without moving there in so many ways! You just need to find what works for you.

Kristen said...

I can only imagine what kind of experience that was, Beki! You need to find a way to get back there, stat!